awful dream

we were hanging out and everything was okay. we slept in my bed that night like a sleepover, and when I woke up you said you had tried to kill yourself a few times, that you were sorry about the blood stains on my bed. I was shocked that I didn’t notice, that I slept through it.

we got up and you went to your room and I was downstairs. mum was cooking I think. we were having people over for dinner, our stepbrother was there.

suddenly I realised I hadn’t seen you in a while. I called out your name and you didn’t respond. I raised my voice and you still didn’t respond. so I started panicking and went up to check on you but I was really scared of opening the door and seeing your dead body so I went to get mum I asked if she could please check if you were okay but then I changed my mind and told her no I’ll check it, I didn’t want her to see you dead I’d rather go through that than let her see you like that.

but she went up and checked on you and you were ok. I asked why you didn’t say anything when I shouted your name and you said that you did, I just didn’t hear.

we went downstairs for dinner and our stepbrother was there. someone was sitting in my spot and I as already so upset I just shouted at them to get out of my spot. I said some stuff about thinking you were dead and then later you said that you thought I was being really controlling, always checking on you even though nothing had ever happened. I was so mad, so much had happened but you were embarrassed of me for making a scene, for caring about you

I miss you so much oob